Just the Two of Us

My parents had two kids, so it’s just my brother, my mother, my father and me. Needless to say, we’re pretty close. My father has four siblings and my mother has three, which means I was blessed (or cursed in some cases) with 16 FIRST cousins. Julius has 6 siblings (somebody got busy!). With that said, we have a ton of family members that have the potential to “get all up in our business.” These aren’t just random friends we met around the way or in college (not that I don’t look at y’all like sisters and brothers) but this is family. We always say that blood is thicker than water (which is debatable), so these are “close” relatives that you should feel comfortable sharing your intimate issues with.

Three weeks ago, I went to Texas to visit my mom’s side of the family. Me and Julius went on a walk with my little cousin and throughout the conversation we learned way too much about certain family members; information that would be considered “grown folk’s business.” Nevertheless I listened intently to see what this just turned 17, itchy booty little boy had to say. What I realized is that in order for your business to remain YOUR business, it’s in your best interest to keep it to your damn self.

So many people think that when things are tough in your relationship you should be able to turn to your sister or brother to give you objective advice. Please! That’s a rose-colored glasses view of what the hell is actually going to happen. If I tell my mama that Julius is staying out all times of the night, drinking and smoking his ass off (which, if he would like to live to see another night, would never happen, reference my wrath in “The Tale of Two Cities” for more information) my mama’s going to be pissed at Julius; on top of the fact that she’s going to tell her best friend, my father. WHY?! Because she’s MY MAMA, not his! At the end of the day, no matter how much she loves and likes Julius, I’m her flesh and blood.

On another note, I shouldn’t know about the sexual issues married family members have, but I do. I shouldn’t know about the financial issues married family members have, but I do. What happened is, you told your mama, who told your sister, who told her kids, and all along the way, the information was prefaced with “now don’t tell anyone else” or “keep this between me and you”. Now in this purely hypothetical world, every member of the family knows that your husband can’t get it up, and if it gets back to him that you told somebody, how does that make him feel? Better yet, how is your family looking at him?

In your marriage vows, you vow to forsake all others and cleave to your husband or wife. If I have a problem in my marriage, some issues with Julius, or whatever, I go to God FIRST, and then I work things out with Julius. PERIOD!!! If the need arises for you to seek outside help, do so, but do it as a couple, because quite frankly, there should be no secrets. Please believe, trust, and understand, whenever I have a problem with Julius (for WHATEVER reason), I go to Julius, and it’s the same way vice versa. Need an example, like to hear it, hear it goes. Julius loves me the way I am, and I am a beautiful size 10, but he has made it clear that he would like me to be a size 6ish. Am I mad at him? No. Why? Because I was a size 4 when he met me, and I for damn sure would like to be a size 6 too. But how would I look if all of his family is looking at me like I am some type of chubbykins, and he hasn't said a damn thing to me? He’d look pretty stupid. So we work on this together. We communicate with each other.

If you have open and HONEST communication in your marriage, you won’t need to talk to anyone else, because you can talk to each other. Don’t believe me? Ask my mama when’s the last time I talked to her about my relationship, let alone my marriage.