We’re TIRED! Not just regular tired, but exhausted, disgusted, and overwhelmed. In our 2nd year of marriage, we find ourselves being tested on a daily basis. Having been together for 8 years, we have had a number of trials and tribulations in our relationship, but we find ourselves in an interesting season right now.
It has been 33 days since we posted ANYTHING on Young, Black, and Married (YBM) and longer than that since we wrote anything. We have become so consumed with our daily lives that YBM has fallen to the wayside as a result. So instead of ignoring YBM, we have to remember the purpose of YBM, so we decided to allow our current state to be a learning opportunity.
For the past two years, Julius and I have both been in graduate school. I am obtaining my law degree, and Julius is obtaining his MBA. In an effort to offset the cost of school, we decided to be graduate assistants. The idea was superb, the execution not so much. Currently, we live in an approximately 200 sq foot dorm room with undergraduate students. While it has been a blessing to have our housing and tuition paid for, living in this small space is more than a notion.
We have NO kitchen, as in NONE. We have cooked fish and chicken in a toaster oven; made gumbo, jambalaya, and stir-fry on an electric eye; and we find ourselves literally warn out. As a person who is trying to lose weight, but has to cook everything on a bed frame that has been converted into a kitchen counter, I’m TIRED!
We’re tired of having ZERO space to do any workout tapes, or have any privacy after an argument. Julius is tired of having to climb over the bed to get to his closet. I’m tired of setting shoes on top of other shoes, and jamming my drawers and closet to capacity.
We’re beyond tired of being in school, being broke, and being on-call 24/7 for our jobs. We’re tired of being over-active on campus, and underappreciated as a result. We’re tired of being jobless, and worrying about the next move because we have unorthodox views of our professional careers. At the end of the day, we’re tired of being tired.
The only thing we’re not tired of is each other. Don’t get it twisted, the stress of school, work, and our living space has taken a toll on our relationship. We have taken the stress of these outside factors out on one another. We have also misplaced our anger, exhaustion, and stress on one another. But the most important thing and sometimes one of the most difficult, is recognizing that it is NOT your mate that is the reason for the stress.
I have had to do some HEAVY self-reflection over the past couple months about my attitude. Is it a result of my relationship with Julius, OR is it because I over extended myself as the President of three organizations, being a Graduate Assistant, and deciding to take on an internship where I work 25 hours a week, IN ADDITION to being a full-time student? I would say the latter.
It is easy enough to say that your marriage or your relationship is the priority in your life…but is it? Is Julius the reason that I am soooo tired? Am I the reason that he is soooo tired? Maybe, but it’s probably not the case. We’re learning, as we continue to grow together, that we will ALWAYS have a lot going on. If it’s school and work now, it will be kids and work later. We find ourselves MAKING time for each other. Please trust, understand, and believe, it’s easier said than done. However, I have to make time for him, because when I’m away from him…I miss him…and missing him won’t make my day any better, or my attitude for that matter. The bottom line is, that even on my worst days, he has the ability to make me smile, feel a little less stressed, and appreciated when no one else does. Having a partner (and especially Julius as a partner) is actually one of the greatest reasons it’s awesome to be Young, Black, and Married. So it is my duty as his wife to ensure that I can be that person for him as well.
The point is, there will always be busy seasons. How you handle those busy seasons will say a lot about the longevity of your relationship. No matter what has come my way, everyone knows that Julius is my first priority. I have had to make some tough decisions regarding work and school because of my dedication to him. However, when I said that I would forsake all others for him, I meant it. When he needs me, I’m there…period.
But right now, we’re just tired together.
