This video (posted by ooziebrown on Youtube) has accumulated A LOT of buzz around the relationship world. I will keep my peace on whether or not I think she's right...However, I have reposted what I think about having a checklist when you're single and looking. (FYI I posted this when Chilis' show was still on.)
We would like to hear your comments about the video in general, and the article. Let's get some DIALOGUE going!
When Julius and I first met, I had a man. A man that I thought was the perfect gentleman and whom I was sure to marry. He didn’t drink, cuss, smoke, treated his mama right, was very attractive, and went to church WITH me every Sunday. We were in love. Then I met Julius. Initially, he wanted me, and I could not care less about him. Rude right?! At 17 I didn’t care. He was tall, lanky, country, smoked, drank, believed in God, but wouldn’t go to church (how many times have we heard that?), and last but not least he cussed like a sailor. Needless to say, he was not my "type". I was kind of like Chili. My list of qualities I was looking for in a man was a mile long, and before I met Julius, every one of my boyfriends had fit the bill. The thing that Julius had that no one else did was sick conversation.
Too many times we write potential mates off because we aren't initially attracted to them, or they don’t fit into this box of what we "think" an ideal mate should be. If I wrote Julius off, or more importantly, if he wrote me off because of my type, I would be without a husband. And did I settle? HELL NO!!
Julius and I started to converse on a very regular basis. Since we were just friends (being friends first, what an interesting concept), I had no problem telling him exactly what I wanted in a man. Good thing for me it didn’t scare him away. Eventually I moved on from my relationship with my boyfriend, but Julius and I continued to talk. Our conversations lasted for HOURS.
Eventually we started dating. Did Julius stop drinking? No, but we recognized adult limits. Did he stop smoking? Eventually. Did he stop cussing? Hell, I cuss too. Did he start going to church? Yes, and now we pray together every night. If I gave up from the door, where would I be? ALONE!! Was I initially attracted to Julius? No, but he is the SEXIEST man alive now.
Did I lose my values, no, but as I grew, and we grew as a couple, Julius didn’t conform to my standards, he just reformed into a better person, and a better mate for me. We had a helluva time every step of the way.
At the end of the day, remember why you have a type in the first place. You want someone who shares the same values, but don’t let your “type” stop you from finding the one you're meant to be with. After all, has Chili found what she wants yet? NO!
Its funny reading this because I know both of you. But I think this is very good information you'll are putting out there. And GOD bless you both for it.
ReplyDeleteB Jackson.
From the beginning I knew there was an impeccably strong bond, silently growing between you two. It is refreshing to read how one's "ideals" of who they want as a mate, transforms and grows as what is most important becomes clearer. I love you both for that unwavering pride in each other.
ReplyDeleteTati
This is my 1st time ever commenting on your blog guys, and what a topic to make it happen on! These girls out here are wildin' with these outrageous standards and need to get checked quick fast, like in a hurry. As a young black proud man, I continue to see these girls say that they want one thing and go after another, including total BUMS, morons, and those that wear jerseys. I have no problem with this, other than the fact that the "good black men" they claim to want get overlooked by most, and claimed by few. Those few women claim the ultimate PRIZES, and go on to find love, happiness and exactly what they sought in the 1st place. It is evident in my MBA studies as I'm surrounded by young black men that are married or on their way (myself included) to strong, beautiful, intelligent, dedicated black women. They are out there ladies, and they're looking, sometimes they just don't the sights they see! Peace and love
ReplyDeleteWell said E. Rachel and I were checking out this youtube clip about 4 successful black women, who for one reason or another, were single. Be clear - very attractive women. Issue was, by the time they decided to chop down that long ass list of specifications (this ain't Build-A-Bear), these women were in their 30s. I strongly encourage all women to be realistic about this checklist. And be honest with yourselves. Are you really the ish like that to be that damn picky?! We ALL have our flaws and shortcomings. Don't think that men don't have a prototype in mind when they size you up too. Hell, I wasn't really into light-skinned women until I met Rachel. I wanted someone taller too, but that didn't stop me from trying to get at her short, high yellow ass!
ReplyDeleteI'll sign off with this - Ladies, before you go off in the world thinkin' you got it going on, ask a brotha you respect what he looks for, and see how many marks you get on his checklist. You might be surprised.
It's funny you said Build-A-Bear because in an odd way, that's exactly what I respect about you and Rachel. You both have helped each other check stuff off the lists to become the latest and greatest you's, essentially building a pair of better bears (i.e., hardcore, ballin outta control BEASTS!).
ReplyDelete