Truth Be Told

So the other night I found myself in a bad mood (as the old folk say, I threw a hissy fit). For the first time in our short-lived existence, Young, Black, and Married received some backlash. Now it wasn’t only what was said, but how it was said. One of my main reservations with writing a blog was misinterpretation. Depending on how you read or absorb content, it may be misconstrued. To talk specifics, I didn’t necessarily appreciate how some people (males in particular) took my baby’s article, “A Message to All the Single Fellas”. For those that didn’t miss the point, thanks for your lack of simpleness (won’t find that in Webster’s). We have, and always will, write based on our personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences (why the hell else would anybody write a blog). Maybe I’m being biased, but I had no idea that some readers (again, males) would take such offense to what was written. From that one article, some people got the impression that my baby is either some type of cold, heartless bitch, or that I’m some type of superficial dude that steam-rolls over Rachel’s ass whenever I feel like it. Not the case on either end. We do what works for us. Period. And believe it or not, we work WITH each other (as evidenced by this blog).

Now I’m all for great debates and different perspectives, but if your goal is knit-pick your way through an article, what value are you adding to the dialogue? We’ll use Teddy P. or T-Pain whenever we see fit. If they emphasize the point of our message, guess what, we’re using it. If our experience has been, “getting cussed out”, or “doing somebody wrong”, that’s our experience. We live and we learn. Maybe if somebody cussed you out, you might be a little further along in life. As I stated in my article, one size DOES NOT fit all, so do what works for you. If you don’t want to hear the truth, so be it. If you want someone to whisper sweet nothings in your ear all day, good luck finding her. If you already have her, more power to you. I grew up getting yelled at, cussed out, and beat (no, I wasn’t a slave – mommy and daddy loved me), and I’m not complaining. If it keeps me out of jail or the grave, I’m all ears! I’m off topic, but I had to get that off my chest. I got your back baby! You can be as crazy as you want with me.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand…In my infinite wisdom, I made the executive decision to write to the ladies, and Rachel write to the fellas. I felt (and still do feel) that it was important to understand the opposite sex’s perspective. I could critique the fellas all day, but it’s not me they’re after (no comment), and visa versa. What was more important was to understand what we see in ourselves that could use a second look. After all, at the end of the day we’re fighting black marriage statistics, not each other.

In looking at and listening to some of the comments that were made, I found myself second-guessing….MYSELF. I sat down wondering if I missed something. Then I realized, “Do you fools listen to music, or do you just skim through it?” (Jay-Z gives me a nugget from time-to-time). It’s a shame when the people who need it most miss the point. We (men) CAN be emotionally withdrawn. We DO have self-esteem issues, and we CAN be too prideful. The women in our lives see us for who we are, both good and bad. It’s better that they bring up our faults so we can get our game tight rather than navigating through the world looking ridiculous. Call it tough love.

Rachel and I talked it out, and a valid point that she and one of her colleagues brought up was that men in general (myself included) can be very sensitive at times. The minute someone points out our faults or short-comings, we either go on the attack, or try and dodge bullets like we’re Neo in the Matrix. Sometimes we just need to take it on the chin. No, I’m not an advocate for women talking to men any ole way they want, but I am of the opinion that we could stand to be a little less sensitive when women do “critique” us. Part of the problem is that we as men aren’t subject to the same type of scrutiny that women go through. They’ve heard for years that they need to dress a certain way, act a certain way, and look a certain way. Can’t say we’ve been held to the same standard, and therefore, taking criticism wasn’t (and isn’t) as natural for us. What I’ve learned over the years is that I’m better as a man, a leader, and a husband because of the criticism I’ve taken over the years. No, it wasn’t always packaged in a pretty box with a nice bow and ribbon attached, but that didn’t stop me from working on bettering myself. I’ll never forget being in high school and my mom telling me that, “No woman’s going to want to suck on your face with all that shit on it.” Were my feelings hurt? Yes!! Did I let her bust that acne on my face? Hell Yes!!! Why?? Because I looked 10 times better after she worked on my face. Had she never said anything, I would’ve walked around thinking it was all good when it really wasn’t.

If you don’t want to be better, keep on doing what you’re doing and see where it gets you. Yes, women can be abrasive at times, but don’t let that stop you from absorbing good information. Remember, they wouldn’t say it if they didn’t care, even though it may not feel that way at the time.

“The truth hurts, but you can’t be scared of it.” - Outkast