Role Playing (Original Post 6/14/2011)

One day I was checking out this commercial with Rachel, looking at one of those dolls that pee in a diaper. My first reaction, “Who in the hell would want to have a doll that does some nasty shit like that?!” The most obvious answer is, of course, little girls do. Just like little girls want pissy dolls, they want to play crazy games like house, ask for Barbie dolls so they can make Barbie kiss Ken, and live in one of those Barbie dream houses. Quite frankly, most girls can’t wait for the moment where they can put on high heels and wear makeup so they can be grown like mommy.

As little boys, one of the first “toys” we played with was our penis (it wasn’t just me, don’t front).

Moving on, we played with G.I. Joes, remote control cars, video games, etc. Always in the mix were sports, which tied directly into competition. Point being, ever since we were young, males had one agenda, and females had another. While for the most part, females were preparing for womanhood and marriage with their Easy Bake Ovens; we were playing games, literally. Sure, I cut the grass, did yard work and helped my dad around the crib with handy work that needed to be done, but I was “late” in terms of my preparation for a meaningful relationship or marriage (let me tell it I was a man at 15).

Not that I blame rap, movies, the people I grew up around, or those that raised me, but they did have an affect on how I approached and viewed women. Yes, I was always respectful, but I thought the name of the game was to get as many women as possible before settling down. Just like with sports, the object of the game was to win, and that meant getting with as many chicks as possible. Nobody ever told me at an early age to find a nice young lady, settle down and start a family (nobody ever told me to be a whore either). It was only by the grace of God that I was able to acquire just enough sense to not screw things up with Rachel early in the game, and even then I almost came up on the losing end because of my immature ways. Women, on the other hand, knew what they wanted fresh out of the gate (speaking in generalities – loose chicks excluded).

What’s my point? Blame your pimpish behavior on everyone and everything else?? Hell NO!! Point is, somewhere along the way, either sooner or later, you learned better. There’s no badge of honor for sleeping with the most chicks, or having a squad of females on your team. Looks cool for a while, but it gets old real fast. Funny how we all like playing the game until we get caught, then all of a sudden we want to act right because we might lose “the one”. Funny how we envy those in “good” relationships, but we won’t go out and get one of our own. Funny how we all want a strong black woman until she turns the muscle against us, then all of a sudden “the bitch done lost her mind,” as if your retarded ass didn’t contribute to the drama in the first place. You’re only fooling yourself if you think that’s the case. “We don’t believe you, you need more people.”

As men, we could follow Pac and take the easy way out. “It ain’t my fault. Don’t blame me, blame my mama, a nigga’s nature.” But actually, my mom was the reason I calmed down some of my “niggerish” tendencies. If it weren’t for people like my mama in my life to give it to me straight, I wouldn’t be married, and I most certainly wouldn’t be this far along in life. No, as boys we didn’t grow up fantasizing about a wife and kids, but that doesn’t exclude us from stepping up and handling business as men. Be the man God meant for you to be. Play your part.

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:11

Sacrifices MUST be MADE (Original Post 6/6/11)

Right now I am preparing for the Georgia Bar Exam and I’m living in a happily married person’s hell. I am living in the space that a happy couple never wants to live in. Now, for the 3^rd time in our relationship, I have had to utter the two words that are the enemy to every relationship…LONG DISTANCE. For the next 10 weeks, my husband of almost two years is CLEAR across the country. This isn’t your ordinary long distance, this is the “I won’t see you for 12 weeks because we got other stuff to do” type of distance. There will be no kissing, hugging, loving, hand-holding, staring at you while you sleep…NOTHING! But sacrifices had to be made, RIGHT?!

In March, we told you that we were in our last days of grad school and we were just tired. When law school and business school were over we had just ONE week to enjoy each other’s company before we would part ways. Enjoy we did, but you’ve never seen time move this fast.

When I begrudgingly decided to take the bar exam, I knew that in order to pass, I was going to have to take extreme measures. I really didn’t do all that great in law school because it wasn’t my passion. Therefore, I would have to learn many of the things I needed for the Bar in my bar exam class. Law school and being an attorney has been, and will always be, a plan B for me. But I will NOT get embarrassed on Facebook in October when those results come out. Therefore, I made the decision to be away from Julius during this time.

Quite frankly he’s a distraction. No one understands the rigors of Bar Study EXCEPT the people who have either taken, or will take the bar. My 12-hour study days will do nothing but annoy him, and he will constantly want to go out to eat, go to the movies, or do anything to make me believe that studying this hard can’t be healthy. Actually, for these 12 weeks, it’s exactly what’s necessary for me to become an Esquire.

But this decision wasn’t just about me. I had to have an amazing husband who respected me and my goals enough to make the sacrifice too. He could have told me to bring my ass to LA and work it out. Instead, he said for 12 weeks he would leave me alone, but “YOU WILL PASS THE BAR.” So the challenge is on. But as the overachiever that I am, I’m taking this challenge to a whole new level, so that I can take my relationship to a new level. Who can make a perfect relationship better you ask? I CAN!

I’ve decided to take this summer (and it’s ridiculous structure) and work on some of my weaknesses in our relationship. I wake up early and workout 6 days a week. I’m on a strict diet, and I hope to lose 10-15 lbs. Not to mention I study my ass off! Lastly, I’m not the neatest person…shocking right??! So I’m trying to put my clothes away when I take them off, make my bed every morning, wash my dishes after I use them, and actually be an adult for once in my 26 years of existence.

The point is, the time apart sucks (see generally, The Tale of Two Cities right here on YBM), but I would suck as a wife if I left these 12 weeks the same way that I came. Julius is making a tremendous sacrifice by allowing me the time to study for this test. Therefore, I will be sexier, cleaner, and you will have to address me as Attorney Johnson in about 4 months. Mark my words…this is just the beginning of an amazing transformation.

A House Divided

Original post 1/23/2011

Eight years ago when Julius and I started dating, we drew a proverbial line in the sand when it came to football. He was a Falcons fan, and I was a DIE HARD Steelers fan. We were young in our relationship; so being on two different sides of the fence didn’t mean much. However, as the years went on, arguments definitely began to ensue. Trivial right?! No, trivial my ass! Julius began making the ultimate mistake of rooting AGAINST the Steelers. Well maybe not rooting against them, but he would cheer when the other team had a good play. His excuse: “I mean, I just like good football!” Well, to any Steelers fan, that is complete bullshit. Not only do you just root for the Black and Yellow, but you are just as equally pissed at any good play the other team achieves.

After a solid 6 years of arguing, we made the decision that we would only root against each other’s team when the Falcons and the Steelers were playing each other. This worked fine for the first year or so…and then it happened...

If you remember, the first regular season game this season, the Falcons and the Steelers played each other. This was the first time since we had been together that we found ourselves on opposite sides of the field. Please understand that shyt got REAL in the Johnson household. Of course the Steelers won, and everything went back to normal. But when we got to the post season Julius kept finding himself constantly putting down the Steelers. “Ben ain’t nothing.” “The defense can’t handle this team and that team.” “Y’all better hope y’all don’t play the Patriots in the playoffs.” YADA YADA YADA. I mean he actually had a leg to stand on since the Falcons were 13-3.

So here we are in the Post-Season. Both teams had a bye the first round. One team has 6 Super Bowl Rings, one team has 0. One team has been to the AFC Championship 8 times, one has been to the NFC Championship 1 time. It should be clear what was going to happen, but “Julius NAYSAYER Johnson” had hope that the Falcons would do something worth talking about. Bottom line, they didn’t! They lost in their first game 48-21. While the Steelers are on their way to their THIRD Super Bowl since Julius and I have been together.

It should be clear that our kids would grow up being Steelers fans. I mean what kid wouldn’t want to cheer on a winning team? Yet, my loving husband still fights me on this topic. I don’t think anyone would judge him if he decided to become a Steelers fan. I wouldn’t. Instead, he’s holding his ground, and I will continue to live in a house divided.

While he’s sulking just like every other wack team in the NFL, I’m looking for every fan whose team has won 6 Super Bowls to STAND UP!

Ooops…that would only be the members of the Steelers Nation. #BlackandYellow

Who's Your +1?

So as I was cruising the blogs at 6a, getting geared up for my study day, I came across this video by Q from 112. Now you know, my last article had me pissed about my inability to make a “Slow Grind 2011” mix. Welp, although I don’t have a full 17 tracks, I believe that this song DEFINITELY makes the cut.

The Dream wrote this song, and it is on Beyonce’s “4” album. However, without being blasphemous to all things Beyonce (I am a SUPER fan), I have to admit that Q done sang THE HELL outta this song. I don't know if Beyonce's version would make the slow grind mix. Mind you he’s doing this LIVE for the video because he’s in the studio. What happened to men that can sing like this? What are your thoughts?

Q's Version




Beyonce's Version




The first verse is:

If I ain’t got nothing, I got you

If I ain’t got something I don't give a damn, cause I got it with you

I don't know much about algebra, but I know one plus one equals two

And it's me and you, that’s all we'll have when the world is thru


Who makes your 1+1 = 2?

Slow Grind

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So I think I’m starting to feel like my parents. A true sign that I’m getting not just regular old, but real OLD. Since my wedding anniversary is coming up, I decided that I wanted to take it back to our earlier years and make Julius one of those “slow grind” mixes!

DISCLAIMER** If you are under the age of 21 (90s baby), you won’t know what I’m talking about so don’t read ANY FURTHER (this is grown folk talk).

When we were young, we would listen to the radio and record the songs onto a cassette, and then later try to blank out the commercials (remember that?!). As we got older, we started burning the songs onto CDs. Now…what the hell am I supposed to do? Send him the song list in an email? Where’s the fun in that? The whole point of the CD was to put on the craziest, sexiest, love inspiring songs that you knew, and get excited about not knowing what the next track was going to be when you were in the groove (iPods spoil all the fun). Now, although I’m pissed about this cramp in my old school style, that really isn’t the point of this post.

As I started going through my iTunes repertoire I got downright disappointed. I wanted to put some “new” school songs on my slow grind CD, but soon realized that there wasn’t anything really (post 2008) to put on there. I mean, yea sure, you’ve got “Invented Sex” by Trey Songz and “Motivation” by Kelly Rowland, and those are suitable for the slow grind mix, but really, what else is there?

See, the slow grind mix is not a sex CD, it’s a lovemaking CD. While it will have, “Greatest Sex I Ever Had” by R. Kellly (the king of the slow grind) and “Red Light Special” by TLC…it will also have “My First Love” by Avant and “Let’s Get Married” by Jagged Edge. It is a subtle mixture of all things sexy in a relationship.

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What our parents were pissed about was that all of our songs were about sex. Quite frankly, as I got older, I realized that theirs were too! Difference being, our generation was more explicit whereas the artists in their generation were more subtle (i.e., “Let’s Get it On” versus “Invented Sex”). So don’t think Ron Isley, Gerald Levert, and Teddy P. didn’t make it to the mix too! I won’t say whose was better. But I will say that these youngins out here have no idea. They have NO clue who Boyz II Men is! They will never know what it means to have a verse where you just TALK to emphasize your point. Remember when deep sexy voice dude from Boyz II Men talked for a WHOLE verse on “End of the Road”. We knew he couldn’t sing; he was just in the group to TALK!! Who’s talking now?

This new generation will never write a “4 Page Letter,” understand what a “Faded Picture” is, know what kind of song will have them “Speechless.” I mean really, who is going give them their slow grind mixes…Willow Smith? It’s kinda disheartening.

Yes, I’m disappointed, but I guess for my 2011 “slow grind” mix, I’ll just take it back to the good ole days. Julius is probably yearning for something to tickle his memories anyway. Therefore, Julius, I will “Cater 2 U” “Slowly”, “Make it Last Forever” because quite frankly, “I’m going down, cause you ain’t around.”

I'm Riding Shotgun

We’ve been gone for a minute, but we’re back! We’ve gone through a lot in the past few months, but we plan to bring you up to speed shortly. Thanks for continuing to read Young, Black, and Married!

I’m Riding Shotgun….

God’s in the driver’s seat.

Let me start off by saying that I don’t have a reason in the world to complain, and it’s not because I’m coming out on top. Rachel and I are 2,253 miles apart, and will be for the next 10 weeks. At the present moment I’m homeless, jobless, and the most important person in the world to me is thousands of miles away. Some may scream out, “Why me, oh Lord, why me??!!”, and I’m not going to front like it didn’t cross my mind, but this is God’s plan. If it were up to me, I’d already be working at a major studio in Los Angeles with a nice salary, nice crib, and a wife living in the same city as me. And that’s not to say this won’t happen. It’s just not going to happen right now, and I’m moving into a space where I’m okay with that. Why? Because God has been blessing me my whole life and there’s no reason that this period of my life will be any different. I’d love to boast and brag on Facebook about how I’m killing the game in LA (and still might when the time’s right), but the more important lesson I’m learning right now is to be patient and wait on the Lord.

So before you paint a grim picture of my life, allow me to explain. Everything Rachel and I do is calculated. She’s currently in Athens, GA living with my family while she studies for the Georgia Bar. Since I’m considered her #1 distraction, we thought it best to have her study there while I do the Cali thing. And what does this cost us??? Not a damn thing! Free living while she guarantees me she’ll pass the bar….Winning!

As for me, I didn’t just jump out to Los Angeles blindly. My oldest brother lives in LA and has been doing his thing in Hollywood for over 15 years now. I made arrangements to live with him months ago while I land a job and crib for Rachel after she completes the bar. This is on top of the fact that I had an interview lined up with Warner Bros. prior to coming out to LA. I live in his garage (which is more like a fully furnished studio apartment with a 50” plasma on the wall) and come and go as I please. Since Rachel has the Jeep in GA with her, I had to rent a car. No sweat. So all I’m spending is $140 a week plus food here and there, because his wife cooks basically every night! So it’s all good, then I get thrown a curve ball….

I’m able to get the interview with Warner Bros. off the strength of who my brother is. I crush the interview off the strength of who I am, and I’m asked to come back for second rounds. I crush both of those interviews and now I’m just waiting on the offer letter. Now truth be told, the position I’m applying for is cool, but not exactly what I was looking for. The pay is decent (not Beemer, Benz, or Bentley), and the work is just okay at best. What I realized is that I was going so hard just because I felt like I “needed” a job ASAP and it was in the industry that I’ve been wanting to get into. The issue was that I fell back into my old routine of settling instead of waiting to receive the blessings that God has in store for me. Well, good thing God prefers his plan over mine.

The irony of the situation is that the same person (my brother) that got me the interview is the same reason I can’t be considered for the job. Long and short, that particular position would have allowed me access to my brother’s company’s financial statements, which then would have created a conflict of interest between Warner Bros., myself, and my Brother’s company. Who in the hell saw that coming??? Not me. Not my brother. Not Warner Bros. (until yesterday), and I interviewed with them over a week and a half ago! I all but had the job in my hands, but I guess I never really did in the end. While they would have loved to have me and I would have killed in the position, I can’t say I would have been all that happy. Good thing for me, I have God’s favor, and he clearly wants more for me than I want for myself.

So I’m not technically homeless, but I am jobless and my wife IS thousands of miles away and will be for weeks to come. Even still, it’s easy for me to wake up in the morning smiling because I’m blessed to be a child of God. I serve an amazing God who never has and never will leave me. I gotta run – back to the grind.

Be Blessed!!

Julius